The Once and Future Bob

True story:
Dirtbag Bob is a scraggly, unfortunate looking guy who hangs out at McDonald's. Every day. In the same clothes every day. Dirtbag Bob rides to McDonald's around noon on a rusty bicycle, digs around in the trash for a Mickie Dee's coffee cup, enters, asks for a refill of his coffee.

Coffee in hand, Bob heads outside. This particular McDonald's has some concrete tables outside where people can sit in nice weather. These tables are located at the front of the parking lot, right next to the big Golden Arches ("Millions and Millions served"). Unusual feature: the giant, brown painted steel pole supporting the sign has an outdoor electrical outlet near it's base-- the kind with the little hinged doors.

Bob, knowing this, removes a small black-and-white "travel size" television and an orange electrical cord from the basket on his bike (basket skewed, one strap broken), plugs in, and claims a table. There Dirtbag Bob remains all day, comfortably enthroned. Sipping McDonald's coffee from his salvaged McDonald's coffee cup, smoking cigarettes plucked from the concrete ashtray by the main entrance, Bob has not a care in the world.

One night, a group of teenage McEmployees are in the parking lot, smoking cigarettes and relaxing after the restaurant has been put to bed. They have congregated where they always do: the concrete tables near the sign. Inevitably, the subject of Bob comes up. Who is DB? Where does he go at night? This time, one of them says, "Dude, we should follow Bob and see where he goes."

This percolates. A plan is hatched. Schedule consulted, they pick a date when none of them are slated to work. Bob usually closes up shop around nine in the evening, so they agree to meet at 8:30pm in the train station parking lot next door, gather in one car, and surveil Bob.

The day arrives; Bob is present per usual. In the evening, they gather and squeeze into a maroon Dodge Omni. One of them has actually brought binoculars. By 8:45pm, they're all staring at Bob from a safe distance. 9:05pm: Bob rises, yawns, packs up television and cord, abandons soggy, overused coffee cup, and mounts up. They follow, discreetly.

The McDonald's restaurant in this (true) story sits, as mentioned, next to a train station, near a major urban intersection. Seedy taverns and wig shops abound. Bob, however, is outbound. Auto parts stores and used car lots give way to small houses, then larger ones. The erstwhile secret agents are soon following Bob through a leafy, green, rather upscale neighborhood. The lawns are large and lush and well manicured, and the driveways are long. Bob turns, suddenly, into one of them, and disappears into the shadows.

They stop the car a couple of houses down, trying to figure out what's going on. Is DB going to break in? Is he a burglar as well? Should they call the cops? At the top of the driveway, a light goes on in a large brick house. They wait. Has Bob been caught? What could this mean? The light goes out. The garage door opens, and-- backing down the driveway to speed off in a cloud of dust-- Dirtbag Bob, in a sportcoat and a dark green Jaguar convertible.

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